Through It All: Cancer, AIDS Scare, Unemployment and Marriage Stress
I’ve had many tears and sorrow,
I’ve had questions for tomorrow,
There’vebeen times I didn’t know right from wrong,
But in every situation,God have me blessed consolation,
That my trials come to only make me strong,I’ve been lots of places,
And I’ve seen millions of faces,
But there were times that I felt so all alone,But in my lonely hours,
Yes, those precious lonely hours,
Jesus let me know that I was His own,
Through it all, through it all,
I’ve learned to trust in Jesus,
I’ve learned to trust in God,
Through it all, Through it all,
I’ve learned to depend upon His Word.
-Andre Crouch
My main purpose of writing about Dad’s life is to share how God broke the cycle of generational unbelief as Dad moved from a life of unbelief to a life of belief. He experienced a transformation from a life of no faith in Jesus to a life of faith and trust in Jesus. And while he had a world of generational unbelief to overcome, he still was faced with the drawing hand of the Holy Spirit and needed to respond in faith.
As I’ve read his journals, thought much about his journey and recorded these accounts, I've realized that exercising faith was a continual challenge of his life. He not only had to come to Jesus by faith, he had to walk every day of his life by faith. Through all that Dad went through, God was building His faith and often, the faith of others around Him.
Romans 1: 16 - 17 “For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written: “But the righteous one will live by faith.”
This is the life of the Christ follower. We are in a constant walk of faith. We are going from faith to more faith, to greater faith. That is why we are to walk this life by faith.
II Corinthians 5: 6 - 8 “Therefore, being always of good courage, and knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord - for we walk by faith, not by sight — but we are of good courage and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord.”
Until our final days on earth, we are to walk - step by step - in faith. And one day, we will see the fullness of our faith when we see Jesus.
Dad lived until he was 52 years old. He outlived his parents, many friends and all the predictions of the medical experts. But every day, every week and every year was filled with faith opportunities to trust God more deeply and just like you and me, sometimes he showed no faith, sometimes little faith and sometimes great faith.
Job Losses - Walking by Faith | Mom and I are unable to recall all the job losses and transitions before Dad had to take disability and retire. He was always considered a great employee and was never terminated due to poor performance. He simply spent a great number of days, sometimes weeks, out of the office with hemorrhages, lengthy hospital stays and recovery. Most employers cannot afford to have an employee that misses that much work. The number of job losses took a toll on his self-esteem, but he seemed to take those in stride and followed the Holy Spirit by faith to his next assignment. Dad was very grateful for Bob Yates who helped him acquire and retain his final job as his health quickly deteriorated.
Mom’s Cancer - More Faith | Dad’s illness wasn’t the only challenge. Faith had opportunity to grow when Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. It seemed they just couldn’t get a break. I was an elementary student at the time. Surgery followed and so did worries about her future health and life expectancy. In addition, her mother, did not take the news well and struggled emotionally. It appears that everything was collapsing in on them as Dad’s health was continuing a downward trend. I have often wondered how they endured this season. They took one step, one day, one crisis at a time - walking by faith. In fact, I might even say that is all they could do. The circumstances were fully out of their control; all they knew to do was trust in their sovereign Lord Jesus to carry them through the trials. Mom has now been a cancer survivor for nearly 50 years and she is still walking each day by faith!
Marriage Stress - A Little Faith | Multiple job challenges, financial hardships, and health challenges impacted their marriage, as it would anyone going through difficulties. I am grateful to say that Mom and Dad had a sweet, loving marriage. But don’t get the idea that it was without stress. I know Dad felt like the whole world was falling in on them and he was helpless to “fix it.” Mom found herself carrying so much of the day to day burden of managing the household. But since the generational cycle of unbelief had been initially broken and they both had a relationship with Jesus, they navigated those days well - even when some days felt like their faith was the size of mustard seed.
The AIDS Scare - A Deeper Faith | The 1980’s were a difficult time for hemophiliacs. Coupled with all of the effects of hemophilia on a person’s body, a new threat arose to the life of hemophiliacs across our country: AIDS. During this time it is estimated that AIDS wiped out nearly 50% of hemophiliacs across the United States. Half of the hemophiliac population lost their lives because of AIDS. Blood filtering was not yet refined, and therefore, transfusions were not clean resulting in an AIDS diagnosis and death for many. Miraculously, even with the high number of transfusions he received, Dad was never diagnosed with AIDS or tested positive for HIV, but the threat was there. The deep waters of fear and anxiety were overwhelming. Yet, God brought them through and their faith grew deep.
Suffering - More Faith | Throughout this blog series I have referred to my dad’s journal. I think it is time for you to hear directly from Dad himself. Even in suffering Dad displayed more faith and wrote to tell about it!
“Dear journal, there is a point in my life or times I should say when God says, ‘Ok, Smith, I have had enough of your self-pity, your continuous complaining. I have a plan, my son, and you are part of it.’ Life is not only the present, but also the future. And if you really believe Me as you say you do, then remember My suffering for you. So My Son, your present afflictions are only temporary.” And then he wrote Romans 8:18, “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.”
God Always Provided - From Faith to Faith | I can tell you with 100% confidence that God always provided. I can never remember going hungry, going without shelter and never being abandoned by God. Psalm 55:22 says it this way, “Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.” Of course, there is no denying many days were painful and difficult. But God was always faithful to Dad and always provided for our every need, and more!
Romans 8:28, “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”
Dad’s favorite book of the Bible was Romans, his favorite chapter of the Bible was Romans 8 and his favorite verse of scripture was Romans 8:28. I learned this by hearing him talk over the years and now by reading his journal and seeing the book of Romans in his Bible - all marked up. In every memory I have of my dad, he was seeking to live out the truth of Romans 8:28. He knew God was always in control. He knew he loved God, was saved and he knew that God had a purpose for him. And regardless of the disease and trials, God was going to accomplish His purpose in and through Dad’s life.
Someone once told me that God is committed to working in us and through us. For Dad, God was working in him to deepen his faith, and through him to strengthen my faith. Truthfully, that is what the Holy Spirit is doing in each of His children: deepening and strengthening our faith. And “through it all we learn to trust in Jesus; we learn to trust in God.”
I challenge you today to abandon trying to control your life circumstances, to understand everything with perfect clarity and begin to trust God for even the twists, turns, hurts, and challenges you face. Continuing to live in your own power will cripple you and those around you from living a life of belief - total faith in Jesus. I challenge you to walk by faith.
Think About It
What challenges, trials or suffering have kept you wondering if God is good, fair or loving?
Which of these have you experienced the victorious cycle-breaking and walked in faith?
Which of these might have locked away unbelief, and you find yourself continuing to struggle in walking in faith?
Think about and name some areas of unbelief in your life where you have experienced victory and walked by faith.
Pray
Ask God to open your eyes to any area of unbelief that you might be holding on to. If you are struggling with believing that you could experience freedom in that area, pray like the man who asked Jesus for his daughter’s healing: “I believe, help my unbelief.”
Next Week
I hope you come back next week to see how God worked not only in Dad, but through Dad, as he came to realize his purpose in life!