In-laws, Out-laws and Left Turns
Psalm 31:14-16,24
“But as for me, I trust in You, O LORD,
I say, “You are my God.”
My times are in Your hand,
Deliver me from the hand of my enemies and from those who persecute me,
Make Your face to shine upon Your servant,
Save me in Your lovingkindness…
Be strong and let your heart take courage,
All you who hope in the LORD.”
This week, David handed over the blog to me. (Dangerous, I know!) I’m Gina Bicknell Smith, David’s wife, best friend and co-laborer for the gospel.
I called David’s dad “Pop” and only had the privilege of being around him for a short time before he moved to Heaven. Honestly, after reading the blog, I feel like I know him so much better now than when I did 34 years ago when we first met. I now understand that I am reaping the benefits of how God broke the cycle of generational unbelief.
We hit it off from our first meeting. He was so full of life and LOVED to laugh. He spoke my language! It was obvious to me that he loved Caryl (David’s mom) and David VERY MUCH! I could tell he was a great father and husband by the way he cared for them, even confined to a hospital bed. And I could tell something else - they loved him, too. David never left the house without giving him a hug. Something you don’t always see in a 20-something young man and his father.
I recognized this early in our relationship for one reason - I had been exposed to a loving family my whole life. My parents, Curtis and Wanda Bicknell, raised me in a loving home and taught me through words and actions that they loved Jesus and that they loved my brother, Curt and me.
Neither of our families were perfect (well, of course not because WE were in them!), but our parents showed us how to live an authentic Christ-life, learning how to walk by faith during good times as well as in times of stress and conflict.
The first time our parents met was memorable to say the least. It was at our engagement party on January 22, 1988. David was so confident that I would say “yes” to his proposal (I tease him about that often!), that he planned a little engagement party for our family and a few close friends. My dad walked into the Smith’s home and introduced himself by saying “Well, we are going to be in-laws or out-laws.” Pop roared in laughter, and a bond between our families was forever set.
A few months later, Pop went to be with Jesus. (I’ll let David tell that story in another blog post.) This was the first “left turn” we had faced together. Gone were my visions of family gatherings with his parents and mine. I wouldn’t hear his laugh again. I watched my newlywed husband suffer with grief and sadness and had no idea how to meet him in that place. Things changed. And my faith was rattled.
I wasn’t sure how to go forward in a world that didn’t turn out as I had expected. I was too young to understand that this type of “left turn” in my “perfect world” expectations would be something I would need to learn how to accept and have victory in throughout the rest of my life, and even today. But God had prepared each of us for this reality of life.
I now realize that everyone lives a life that isn’t exactly how they expected it to be. And our parents were no exception. What Pop did by breaking the cycle of generational unbelief in his family, my parents did by continuing the generational cycle of belief from their families. And David and I benefited from our parents’ steadfastness, strong faith and courage over the years.
My mom lost her first husband after only 3 years of marriage to a tragic car accident. My dad walked through uncertainty as he lost his father to cancer and transitioned from a family business to a new career while raising his own family. Our family suffered a “left turn” in 1975 when I was seriously injured in a car accident. And they endured faithfully through a raising a very strong-willed, rebellious teenage daughter (yours, truly) who frankly, didn’t deserve the love and forgiveness she received. Through all of this, I watched as my parents’ faith and walk with Jesus grew stronger and stronger, through each difficult season.
These are some of the monumental “left turns” that God allowed in my family’s life, and they are memorable. But just as memorable were the routine, daily, non-dramatic faithfulness that my parents lived out day by day. I saw my parents spend time each morning in God’s Word and in prayer. I saw my mom writing in her prayer journal. We went to church every week. (Several times a week!) And they even left a very comfortable church that many family members attended when I entered 7th grade so that Curt and I could be a part of a church with a vibrant student ministry. (This influence eventually would play a huge part in my call to marry a pastor and enter ministry with him.) My parents sacrificed for us in so many ways, to ensure that we were surrounded by influences that would reinforce Biblical values and faith they were so passionate about. I watched as they encouraged each other through difficult days, tight finances, and various seasons of life. Even today, as my dad is 92 and my mom is his primary caregiver, they are living each day by faith in a deep walk with Jesus.
So as David and I began our life together and were immediately hit with the “left turn” of losing Pop, we both knew what we needed to do. We kept our roots firmly planted in the foundation of belief that our parents had laid for us. And though we have had our own difficult days and “left turns” in life and ministry, and neither of us is perfect, this generational cycle of belief has continued for us. In fact, it is the reason we are still together, still in love and still serving Jesus in ministry.
And as we continue to walk forward in ministry and in our family relationships, we choose to walk with faith, even if things are hard or we don’t completely understand God’s plan. This legacy is something we pray that will be passed on to our children and our grandchildren, continuing the generational cycle of belief.
And you can, too. Begin now, right now. Plant your feet on the rock of Jesus, a firm foundation. Whether you come from generational unbelief or belief, you can decide. You can change your family tree if you need to, or continue the strong roots your family has already established. He is the One who changes all things in us, and gives us the power to live them out in this “left-turn-filled” life. Don’t wait.
Think About It
What “left turns” have you and your family experienced? In what ways have these defined you, derailed you or strengthened you?
Who in your family or circle of influence can you thank for grounding you to live by faith through the “left turns?”
Who in your family or circle of influence might you need to forgive for causing “left turns” or not giving you the direction and guidance you needed during those “left turns” of life?
Pray
Ask God to give you a heart of gratitude for the ones who have built a generational cycle of belief in your life. Ask God to give you a heart of forgiveness and understanding for the ones who built a cycle of generational unbelief in your life. Commit that from today forward, you will seek God’s strength and guidance to walk by faith on the path of your life - even when the “left turns” come.