Family Dynamics or Family Dynamite?
I Timothy 1:12 - 14
“I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has strengthened me, because He considered me faithful, putting me into service, even though I was previously a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent aggressor. Yet I was shown mercy because I acted ignorantly in unbelief; and the grace of our Lord was more than abundant, with the faith and love which are found in Christ Jesus.”
This passage is the testimony of the Apostle Paul, who once persecuted the church of Jesus Christ, but then became what some call “the greatest Christian to ever live.” His life before Christ was characterized by unbelief and we see so much of the same thing today. As culture continues to worsen and turn from God, we might wonder if there is any hope in all the unbelief around us.
That is exactly what Dad faced all around him: unbelief, unrighteousness and rebellion.
The dynamics of Dad’s family might be better described as “family dynamite.” Early in Dad’s life things exploded at home. I am certain that the pressure of having a child with the disease of hemophilia provided additional stress for his parents. Eventually, unbelief was so prevalent that the marriage ended. My dad’s mother was unfaithful, and as a result, a messy, bitter divorce followed. To make matters worse, the man with whom she was unfaithful was a relative and close friend of my grandfather. Dad was two years old at the time. Nowhere was God to be found in any of this. It was a home full of unbelief.
But, once again, I thank God for His mercy. God intervened on Dad’s behalf, just as God intervened in the life of the children of Israel when they were in slavery in Egypt. Just to show you how bad this situation actually was, the courts refused to award custody of Dad to either of his parents. And the sad truth is that neither of his parents wanted him, anyway. Frankly, they didn’t care about him. In one of Dad’s journals, he wrote this statement about his dad, “my dad never gave me a single toy.” Can you imagine being so uncaring that you never even gave your son a single toy? I am so grateful, though, that God stepped in. In an act of divine providence, the courts awarded custody to his great grandmother. Now, for the time being, his parents' influence in his life had been minimized. That cycle of unbelief that his parents handed down to him was now suddenly limited, and a new opportunity for influence appeared. In case you didn’t catch it, that influence was his great grandmother. That’s right, the courts ordered custody of Dad, as a 3 year-old, to his great grandmother.
Obviously, I never knew her, but apparently she provided some spiritual grounding for Dad. He always spoke fondly of her. She must have shown him love and affection, neither of which he received from his parents. In addition, she must have provided some faith to counter the cycle of unbelief.
Dad remembered her reading Bible stories to him as a child. He also wrote about how she made him pray for forgiveness for what his parents had done. Perhaps these were the first seeds of faith that were planted.
Dad’s Bible (highlighted) and his Great Grandmother’s well-worn Bible
There is not much information about these years. He saw his father only when transfusions were needed. And while his mom did stay visible in his life, her influence was more manipulative than loving. She married the man that had broken up her marriage and Dad, at least for a while, was out of the range of their fireworks. Dad would spend several years with his great grandmother until her health eventually required him to return to living with his mother. I have often wondered if the seeds for Dad’s love for God were placed in him from those days of his great grandmother reading her Bible to him.
Dad’s mom was not guided by any source of spiritual conviction or relational integrity. Dad loved her very much but often spoke of her manipulation and self-centered life. Rather than providing him a nurturing environment and a loving home, she placed dad in the Memphis Crippled Children’s Home. This picture is from the Memphis Public Library. From what I can tell, this was a place where Dad was sent to live with other children that had significant health challenges.
From a health perspective, he was continuing to decline. Hemorrhages continued to impact the joints in his arms and legs and the treatment he received from the children’s home was more aimed at management of his health rather than helping him to improve. The medical staff placed Dad’s arms and legs in braces. And now with his mother calling the shots of his life, his future seemed bleak.
Still though, the seeds of hope had been planted and God was still at work. Soon, others would come forward to intervene, and the trajectory of his life would drastically change.
So much of Dad’s story so far has been sad, so I want to provide you with a word of hope. As Dad’s adult life unfolded, God’s special plan for him began to also unfold. God intervened against the wickedness of unbelief that surrounded Dad to provide opportunities for faith. In the next blog we will see one of those opportunities for faith.
He did that for dad and He can do that for you, as well!
Think About It
Who has God placed in your life to plant the seeds of hope and faith, helping you to discover God’s love for you? Have you ever thanked them? If not, reach out to them or write them a letter to express your gratitude.
If you have experienced family dynamite, what steps have you taken to change the trajectory for you and your family going forward?
What difficulties or challenges have given you opportunities for faith? How have you responded to those challenges? If you haven’t responded the way you would desire to, how can you change that pattern moving forward?
Pray
Spend some time thanking God for the ones in your life that have planted seeds of hope and faith. Ask God to illuminate any family dynamite that needs to be diffused for you and your family to have healthy, godly relationships. Ask God to empower you by His Spirit to make the necessary changes, reach out for needed help or counsel, and begin breaking the cycle of unbelief in your family.
If you would like to talk about breaking the cycle of unbelief, please reach out to me at david@davidsmithministry.com. I’d love to talk with you.